Christmas at Halloween III : Hell School Musical

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Well, that was disappointing. So, someone took the worst parts of Glee, High School Musical and every show on the CW and ripped off Shaun of the Dead. Groundbreaking. This movie needs to get off my lawn. 

It is a very well made film. The songs are fine but instantly forgettable. But the story is hackneyed, the comedy isn’t funny, the zombies aren’t scary.

I really wish I’d liked this more because at times it melds Christmas and horror fairly well but I dislike every character and hate the script, so this isn’t becoming a holiday tradition at Casa Kringle anytime soon.

Silent Night Bloody Night (1972)

Offbeat, slow-moving early 70s indie with a slight underground flavor including appearances by a handful of Warhol day players and the unaccountably beloved, in certain circles, Mary Woronov. The most interesting thing is the score by Gershon Kingsley and that’s only because the film is so un-engaging I paid more attention to the soundtrack just to pass the time. 

Not the worst low budget axe killer movie you’ll ever see, so there’s that. Though John Carradine’s appearance in the cast list should give you some idea what you're in for. 

There’s a fair amount of Christmas in the production design, but it’s not very Christmassy, what with all the bloody murders and all.

Home for the Holidays (1972)

Another holiday thriller from ‘72 is this ABC Movie of the Week starring Sally Field, Jessica Walter, and Julie Harris, among others. It’s not  brilliant but it is a solid made for TV effort from back in the days when even Aaron Spelling put a modicum of effort into producing compelling content. 

A dying patriarch gathers his four estranged daughters to his deathbed to make an extraordinary request. I don’t want to spoil things but there is a lot of melodrama, a body count, plus Sally Fields screaming, a lot. 

Not very Christmassy, mostly incidental decor, but that’s hardly surprising given the familial tensions involved.

Holidays (2016)

Mediocre horror anthology, redundant I know, featuring a number of holiday themed shorts. The Christmas segment, directed by Scott Stewart and starring Serh Green, is okay but pretty predictable.

Yule Logged: Sweet Mountain Christmas, What I Did For Love, Christmas Joy, A Christmas Tail

Sweet Mountain Christmas (2019)

You can go home again, at Christmas. Decent iteration of some familiar tropes.Above-average performances.

Is it Hallmark? Next best thing - Lifetime

Is it Christmastime? Yes, ma’am.

Does it look like Christmas? Sure.

Does it sound like Christmas? Yup.

Does it feel like Christmas? Pretty much.

Did it make me cry? Naw.

Did I finish it? Yes.

Is it a good movie? It’s fine.

Is it a good Christmas Movie? It’s fine.

What I Did For Love (2007)

Fish out of water LA lawyer meets fiance’s rugged disgruntled rural family. By the director of, the superior, Hardbodies and Beethoven’s Fifth.

Is it Hallmark? Yes

Greedy Businessmen? Yep, lawyers.

Is it Christmastime? Yes

Does it look like Christmas? A little bit, eventually.

Does it sound like Christmas? meh.

Does it feel like Christmas? No.

Did it make me cry? Nope

Did I finish it?  With help from the ffwd button.

Is it a good film? No. A poor effort.

Is it a good Christmas Movie?  Not surprised they didn’t play up holiday angle in the title. A lump of coal.

Christmas Joy (2018)

A career woman reluctantly returns to her hometown for the holidays. Danielle Panabaker stars.

Is it Hallmark? Yes

Greedy Business-people?  Sort of.

Does the heroine run a Christmas event? Yep - the Cookie Crawl!

Romantic interest in hometown? Natch.

Is it Christmastime? Yep.

Does it look like Christmas? Sure.

Does it sound like Christmas? Pretty much.

Does it feel like Christmas? Sure.

Did it make me cry? Nope.

Did I finish it? Yeah, half-heartedly.

Is it a good film? It’s fine.

Is it a good Christmas Movie? My wife liked it and she’s the target demo so I guess that’s a recommendation.

A Christmas Tail (2014)

Excruciating romantic comedy. Single parents fight over custody of a dog. Really.

Is it Hallmark? No.

Is it Christmastime? Yes.

Does it look like Christmas? Basically.

Does it sound like Christmas? Not much.

Does it feel like Christmas? Nope.

Did it make me cry?  Nope.

Did I finish it? Nope.

Is it a good movie? Not great.

Is it a good Christmas Movie?  Nope

Halloween at Christmas Part Two: The Holly Terror

An American Exorcist (2018)

Lots of random Christmas decor and a charisma-free lead.Less than meh.

The Legend of The Christmas Witch (2018)

If you had told me that Michelle Souvi, director of such horrific fare as Cemetery Man, had recently made a Christmas movie, I would have gotten my hopes up for that rarest of the rare, a good Christmas horror flick. Well, he did a Christmas movie but instead of holiday dread, it’s packed with cringe and boredom. 

Plus the terrible English dubbing, though that’s probably not Souvi’s fault. 

Anywho, this is the first Befana film I’ve seen, so there’s that. Not really hoping for a sequel though. Kids might like it, sort of a Harry Potter vibe occasionally, though the whole Christmas Witch thing might be confusing for American tykes.

The Chicken Party (2018)

Unrelenting garbage.

Yule Logged: Day One... It begins!

Hallmark started it's Countdown to Christmas so here it goes. I'll be logging my holiday viewing with my entirely subjective and often cynical capsule reviews. 

I'll be logging all my holiday entertainment watching, not just Hallmark. No, I don't think anyone cares that much. Hopefully, though, I can steer some folks towards some festive fun they might have missed otherwise, and give fair warning on what they might want to avoid where necessary.

A Merry Christmas Match (2019)

Not a great start to the Hallmark holiday season. Awkward Christmas romance that feels like a low rent rip off of a mediocre Hallmark flick.

Is it Hallmark? Yes

Is it terrible? Not terrible.

Is it Christmastime? Yes.

Does it look like Christmas? I guess.

Does it sound like Christmas? eh.

Does it feel like Christmas? Not really, not organically.

Did it make me cry? No, I yawned a fair bit though.

Did I finish it? I did not.

Film Rating: Not good. Not terrible.

Christmas Movie Rating: Not good, with frozen hot chocolate.

5 Star Christmas (2018)

Italian political bedroom farce.

Is it Hallmark? Nope, Netflix.

Is it Christmastime? Si.

Does it look like Christmas? incidental  decor, an apparently dead Santa Claus gets Weekend at Bernied.

Does it sound like Christmas? Nope

Does it feel like Christmas? Nope

Did it make me cry? Don’t be a stunod!

Did I finish it? Yes, but I was bored.

Film rating: Loads of political humor, probably funnier if you’re up on Italian current events circa 2018. Not terrible but nothing I’d revisit.

Christmas Movie Rating: Not a Christmas flick

Christmas at Holly Lodge (2017)

Christmas romance front loads a bunch of sentimental triggers, which all pay off eventually.

Is it Hallmark? Yes.

Greedy business people? You know it.

Causing romantic conflict? Oh yeah.

Is it terrible? Fortunately not. Nor is it particularly memorable.

.Is it Christmastime? Yup.

Does it look like Christmas? Oh yeah.

Does it Sound like Christmas? Pretty much.

Does it feel like Christmas? Sure.

Did it make me cry? It was only a little bit of dust in my eyes….

Did I finish it? Yes, but I multi tasked.

Film Rating: Typical Hallmark sentimental romance - hospitality division.

Christmas Movie Rating: See above but with tinsel.

A Town Without Christmas (2001)

A child’s note threatening suicide starts us on our holiday adventure. The cast, including Patricia Heaton, Ernie Hudson, and Peter Falk, make this one worthwhile despite the initially dark premise.

Begat a pair of Falk featured sequels.

Is it Hallmark? Nope, but is airing on Hallmark. Originally premiered on CBS.

Is it Christmastime? Indeed.

Does it look like Christmas? Yes.

Does it sound like Christmas? Sure.

Does it feel like Christmas? Pretty much.

Did it make me cry? Nope.

Did I finish it? Yep.

Film Rating: Emotionally manipulative drama mixed with fantasy.Not totally my thing but good for what it is.

Christmas Movie Rating: Certainly more complex than most modern Hallmark fare. Not a film for the whole family.

Christmas at Halloween

Christmas at Halloween

A Message From Mars (1913)

Not actually a Christmas flick but the first British science fiction film. This lovingly restored (by the BFI) but ponderous curio makes the list by dint of its A Christmas Carol-esque plot. A miserly misanthrope is visited by a celestial being and shown the error of his ways. Only this time it’s a Martian doing community service in place of Jacob Marley.

Christmas Presence aka Why Hide? (2018)

Looked promising at first. Professional actors, cameraman keeping their thumb from in front of the lens. All good. For about 10 minutes. I get that many characters in horror movies are written as unlikable so we not only don’t mind their demise but might actually welcome it, but this one pushed it to the limit. Godawful. Shudder, you done me wrong on this one...

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

Also on Shudder I suffered through as much of this atrocious anthology as I could. Lumps of coal for pretty much everyone involved.

A Christmas Slay (2015)

Over on Tubi they’ve got this pile of garbage.

Red Christmas (2016)

So, it’s come to this, the best holiday horror (that I haven't already seen) I could find today was this. Not great, not good, but at least it has Dee Wallace Stone.