Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Christmas in Wonderland / Merry Friggin' Christmas / Mr. Scrooge to See You / Saving Christmas

Christmas in Wonderland (2007) First Viewing *** ***

 So, even a slightly upgraded cast (for this kind of thing) can’t fix a crummy script and tepid direction (or was it a tepid script and crummy direction?). Patrick Swayze can’t save it, Chris Kattan, and Carmen Electra can't save it and not even Tim Curry can save it. The terrible kid actors obviously can’t save it. The script is a black hole into which all these actors talents disappear.  The cast got my hopes up , a centimeter or two, higher than usual but this Christmas Wonderland was more of a Blunderland. (Ha! See what I did there... these are quality jokes folks!)

***

 Merry Friggin' Christmas (2014) First friggin' viewing
****
****

 Hollywood hates Christmas. 

 They must because, even when they get a decent cast, they put zero effort into it. It’s just a quick buck and a Canadian vacation. And the realization that their audience will watch just about anything with Christmas in the title. Merry friggin Christmas shoulda been good, coulda been good, but it’s not, it’s depressingly mediocre. The low end of mediocre. Plus the whole Robin Williams thing. I won’t be putting myself through this again. 

**** 

 Mister Scrooge to See you (2013) First Viewing ****** ******

 Tell him to go away and take his community theater Christmas Carol sequel with him. 

***

 Saving Christmas (2017)  First Viewing ****
****

 The script for this one is about 1/10th of a notch above the standard for this level of kid's Christmas movie - almost as if a quirky kid's adventure film, that the screenwriter was actually slightly invested in, was clumsily shoehorned into a boring, predicable melted snowman of a holiday cash-in. I'm guessing most of the budget went towards getting national treasure Ed Asner. 

(I do, sort of, feel bad for film-makers laboring in the Christmas genre - it can't be easy to work under the Federal Governments Mandatory Ed Asner Christmas Film Inclusion Legislation.)

***

Naughty and Nice: Saving Christmas, due to The Ansner Rule, wins by default

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: A Christmas Carol (1997) / Julebod (2017) / The Borrowed Christmas (2014) / The Christmas Switch (2014)

A Christmas Carol (DiC  1997) Repeat Viewing  | Amazon Prime **** ****

 Subpar animated adaptation that does correct Dicken's monumental mis-step in his version of the story and helps elevate it to a true classic. They give Scrooge a dog. A goofy cartoon dog. Yep, that fixed it. 

 Tim Curry is less Tim Curry-ish than usual and its nice to see perennial Santa Clause Ed Asner get to stretch out as Jacob Marley's ghost. 

Totally inessential, but my kids didn't mind it back in the day. 

****  Juleblod (Christmas Blood) (2017) First Viewing | Amazon Prime **** ****

 I had mixed emotions going in to Juleblod. On one hand I dislike Christmas themed horror (as opposed to seasonal ghost stories, which I love) - I can’t think of one I d want to watch at Christmas time (though I haven’t seen Krampus or Anna and the Apocalypse yet) on the other hand I’m a big fan of Nordic horror and I enjoyed director Reinhardt Kiil’s earlier Nazi occult film The House. Unfortunately Juleblod turns out to be a Christmasized Halloween sequel spec script that somehow actually got made.  

A failure as a spooky Christmas tale and a failure as a slasher flick. 

**** ****  The Borrowed Christmas (2014) First Viewing | Amazon prime **** ****

 There’s the germ of a good idea here - lonely rich guy tries to buy a Norman Rockwell Christmas at the local rental center, staffed by a struggling single mom, naturally. As I suffered through this no budget exercise in amateur theatrics, I couldn’t help but imagine what could have been, how easy it would have been to make a half decent movie from the concept. 

No offense to the folks that made The Borrowed Christmas, I'm sure they're lovely people, but I found it pretty much unwatchable. 

****  The Christmas Switch (2014) First Viewing | Amazon Prime
****

****

 From the director of Prom Night, and the stars of Species and Loch Ness Terror, comes this bizarre Yuletide take on Freaky Friday. A small time hood is offered a million bucks to body swap with a dying department store Santa. If that sounds intriguing to you then be forewarned, it’s not good. (I’d originally typed "it stinks" but realized I had actually watched the whole thing through to the bitter end, and while I wasn’t the least bit invested in story, it's weirdness at did keep me wondering what was going to happen next.).

****

 Naught and Nice: Closest thing to nice is the mediocre musical cartoon A Christmas Carol.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Bob Hope 1965 / Garry Moore 1963 / Ely Cathedral 1992 / Bon Appetit / One World Kitchen

Bob Hope Christmas Special (1965)  Repeat Viewing | VHS  ****

****

 Old ski nose does the holiday thing with guests Jack Benny, Nancy Wilson, Janet Leigh and, of course, Der Bingle himself. After a topical monologue (cactus in the White House, astronauts in their underwear) come the predictably goofy sketches and solid musical numbers. The most chrismassy bit is a sketch featuring Jack Benny as an escaped mobster who breaks into Santa’s North Pole workshop. Jokes about Castro, Mickey Rooney and Cassius Clay ensure millennials will have no clue what’s going on. A fun time capsule but one of the weaker holiday specials of the era. 

*** Midnight mass from Ely Cathedral (1992) First Viewing | Youtube **** ****

 A lovely service. Sad to think that the number of Britons identifying as Christian has nearly halved since this mass was broadcast. 

****  

Garry Moore Show (Dec 1963) First Viewing | Youtube **** ****

 First rate old fashioned Variety show. Fun production numbers, Garry chats with a cartoon character, comedy duo Allen and Rossi perform a couple of fairly hilarious bits, Nancy Walker plays Rapunzel in a rather fractured fairy tale but the only solid Christmas content comes during the opening song and dance. 

****

Bon Appetit From The Test Kitchen: Holiday Edition  First Viewing | Pluto Christmas in July
****

 Apparently it's also Hanukkah in July and now I know how to make Latkes. 

Bonus tip: Apparently you shouldn't let your oil get too hot while your cooking in the nude or you may fry your **** -  well I'll let you watch and learn from this classy episode. Millennials are awesome! 

****  


One World Kitchen Bakes the Holidays  First Viewing | Pluto Christmas in July ****

****

 Canadian cookery show One World Kitchen's holiday baking special on the other hand was fun and instructional and not nearly as cringe. Holiday recipes from Italy, Argentina, Japan and Thailand are featured and now I'm soooo hungry. 

Christmas in July: Quick Reviews - Third Rock From the Sun / Pahappahooey Island: / Molly and the Christmas Monster / New Age Christmas

Third Rock From the Sun : Jolly Old St. Dick (1996) Third Rock From the Sun : Happy New Dick  (1998) Repeat Viewing | Filmrise *** ****

A couple of fun holiday episodes from this classic sitcom. Probably my first time watching them since they originally aired . What a cast!

*** 

Pahappahooey Island: Christmas Episode (1999) First Viewing | Tubi *** ***

   Puppet based kid show I’d never heard of. Must be faith faith based because the human / animal/ robot inhabitants are putting on a nativity play. A Decent offering for younger kids and I’m sure familiarity with the characters could only have made it better. Not an unheralded classic but nice enough. 

***  Molly and the Christmas Monster First Viewing | Tubi ***

***

 I feel a bit foolish watching kids shows, I graduated from having to watch these things years ago, but here I am, a slave to random program selection.   Pretty good, if a little bit weird (but that’s not a bad thing). Don’t imagine I’ll ever revisit it though, even once grand kids enter the picture. 

***  New Age Christmas   First Viewing | Tubi ***

 Christmas ambiance video featuring festive scenes of primarily  Very pleasant, gave the family room a nice relaxed holiday vibe. If it’s still streaming come Christmas I’d definitely throw this on to have as background   

It turns out the same producer has a ton of these ambiance videos available on Tubi, so there are a bunch of options with different styles of music and visuals.

***

Naughty and Nice: 3rd Rock wins the nice - nothing was bad enough to earn the naughty. 

Christmas in July Quick Reviews - Trash Boys / Christmas Holiday / Get Santa / Brokenwood Mysteries

*** A Very Trash Boys Christmas  First viewing | Prime  ***

***

 Low budget short, straight outta Connecticut, about rivals gangs of d**kwads wrecking each other’s Christmas's. You can tell they were going for a certain '80's cult comedy vibe here but, for me at least, it never really drew me in. Good on 'em for making a short film and getting it on Amazon and everything but, I can’t really recommend it. 

***  Christmas Holiday (1944) Repeat Viewing | DVD *** ***

 A minor classic, nearly an anti holiday musical. Noirish melodrama that, despite festive settings and decor, is no more a Christmas film than Die Hard is. The difference is Die Hard is a fun, if violent, adventure while Christmas Holiday is heartbreaking, bleak, depressing and dark drama. It’s also an expertly made film and worth seeking out, just not as a festive pick me up. 

*** 

 Get Santa (2014) First Viewing | BFI Player *** ***

 Santa crash lands in London, gets arrested (for attempting to liberate his flying friends) and it’s up to an ex con and his son to rescue the reindeer, find the sleigh and break Father Christmas out of prison - all the while reconnecting as family. Cute idea with possibilities but, despite a solid director, it’s a bit of a train wreck. Not very funny, not very clever, not very heartwarming and more than a few off moments. Not bad, but with such a great cast, led by Jim Broadbent as Santa, my expectations were probably too high. 

*** 

The Brokenwood Mysteries: A Merry Bloody Christmas Repeat Viewing | Acorn
***

***

 One of my fave mystery series gave went the murdered Santa route for 2016’s A Merry Bloody Christmas. Set in rural New Zealand,  Brokenwood follows Detective Inspector Mike Shepherd and his team as they investigate the remarkable high murder rate that quiet towns like Cabot Cove or the various Midsomer hamlets seem, somehow, to inspire.

***

Naughty and Nice: Trash Boys wasn't very good, Christmas Holiday is a great film but not really a "Christmas" movie, Get Santa should have been so much better. While I'm not a great fan of dead Santas, Brokenwood was probably the most enjoyable watch of the four.

Christmas In July Quick Reviews: Worst Christmas Jobs / A Christmas Inheritance / Christmas with a View / Morecambe and Wise '78

***
The Worst Christmas Jobs in History Repeat Viewing  *** ***

Tony Robinson (Blackadder, Time Team) goes hands on with some of the least pleasant jobs related to the festive season. From Saturnalian vomit collectors to Coastal kelp burners, Tony examines the dirty jobs that someone had to do in order for merriment to ensue.

*** A Christmas Inheritance (2017) First Viewing | Netflix  *** ***

My heart sinks when one of these flicks opens with a second rate sound alike crooner warbling a holiday standard over festive city b- roll. I know there’s a frazzled career girl with a bad capitalist fiancé just around the corner. But, to its credit A Christmas Inheritance works the spoiled rich kid who needs to learn the true meaning of Christmas instead. OK, not exactly a new idea and the fiancé is still a bit of a jerk, plus she’s off to visit family in a small town to reconnect yadda yadda and she has to do it incognito so nobody knows she's the bosses daughter yadda yadda and... well it hardly matters, what does matter is that A Christmas Inheritance is not terrible. It’s not great but it’s at least a couple of notches higher than what I’m used to this month. And Andie MacDowell!

*** Christmas with a View (2018) First Viewing | Netflix  *** ***

Decent production values but I’ve pretty much already forgotten it. Something to do with cooking. Meh. 

And Vivica A Fox! And Patrick Duffy!

*** 

The Morecambe and Wise Christmas Show (1978) Repeat Viewing *** ***

The thing about British TV is that a Christmas Show isn’t always a Christmas episode and a Christmas special isn’t necessarily festive. Here in the states most shows traditionally began their seasons in September so they’d be in full swing when the holidays came round. In England TV seasons were much shorter and there was a good chance any given series would be in between seasons when the super high viewing audience festive seasons came around. So, a special episode at Christmas would be produced but, it often had nothing to do with Yule tide festivities.  

You see where I’m going here, right? 

Morecambe and Wise, for the uninitiated, were a much beloved comedy duo back in blighty. Their Christmas specials were a much beloved and anticipated holiday tradition. After years on the BBC, the lads moved over to ITV, and this 78 special marked the beginning of the pairs decline. Still a treat but nothing Christmassy.

***

The Naughty: The TV movies were forgettable but not terrible and M and S weren't Christmassy but none of them qualify as Naughty
The Nice: Worst Christmas Jobs. No contest.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Coming Home for Christmas / Eve's Christmas / The Legends of Santa / The March Sisters at Christmas

You’re going to read these reviews. You’re going to wonder what Hallmark original Christmas movie hurt me when I was a child. I want to like Christmas movies, I want to love them but, so far, stinker after stinker. Just because I’m having trouble finding flicks I like I don’t begrudge the success of these films. I’m pleased they have such a loyal audience, I just wish I could find a few that I can get excited about. 

 Coming Home for Christmas (2013)  First Viewing | Prime ***

*** 

 So, my teenage son and I came up with a way to amuse ourselves during my Christmas in July marathoning. Take a Hallmark (or Lifetime or whatever ...) holiday flick and turn it into a different genre. Coming Home for Christmas became a terrifying home invasion thriller as a psychotic family will do anything to celebrate the festive season in their old family home...anything. Our version was a heck of a lot more interesting than this dull as dishwater effort that seemed to have been cast with androids. I’ve never felt the uncanny valley effect with humans before. Didn’t give a fig for a single character or their contrived conflicts. 

Also, my son has a new annoying catch phrase “You can learn a lot on Urban Dictionary these days”. 

*** 

 Eve’s Christmas (2004)  First Viewing | Prime *** ***

 Were these cliches burned out back in 2004? I mean, they were definitely well trodden tropes but would it have been so grating if I hadn’t watched dozens more just like it in the interim. Bad romance, bad boyfriend, bad capitalism, frustrated career woman who has everything except happiness. Add a dash of magical Christmas time travel and the chance to right past mistakes and I’m already asleep. 

Nice to see Cheryl Ladd though. (And yes, I owned her album too and it was waaay better than Kristy McNichol’s) 

***  The Legends of Santa (2008 or 2012)  First Viewing | Prime
***
***

 Santacentric documentary narrated by Sir Richard Attenborough (Kris Kringle in 1994’s Miracle on 34th Street remake). A decent overview of the Santa traditions of many nations but probably not suitable for youngsters still immersed in the magic of our favorite jolly gift giver. 

Oh, the different years are according to IMDb and Amazon. From past experience I’d favor IMDb and 2008. 

***  The March Sisters at Christmas (2012) First Viewing | Can't even remember at this point
***
***

 From the director of Sexting in Suburbia comes this surprisingly faithful adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. The scripts authenticity rings truest during the Thanksgiving dinner scene where one sister admits to being slightly put out “that my sisters a slut who posted naked pictures”. Classic literature treated with the respect it deserves to be sure.

Plus Christmas! 

 The Legends of Santa wins the night, but after watching the other three I think I’m the loser.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Santa's Christmas Crash / A Christmas Snow / Catch a Christmas Star / Miracles Still Happen

Santa's Christmas Crash First Viewing | Vidmark ***
***

Another slightly off animated offering from France though not nearly as creepy as Santa's Christmas Snooze 

Santa's sleigh crashes in the dessert and the local children, who know nothing of Christmas, help to replace the damaged toys destined for American children.  I assume it was French children in the original but that doesn't make it any less awkward. Oh, and a flying camel (and a camel bone xylophone). 

At first I thought this might be a remake of the classic Santa and he Ice Cream Bunny - Santa stranded in the sand, relying on local kids to save him, but alas it was not to be. Pixar take note, the rights are probably still available!

***

A Christmas Snow (2010) First (and only) Viewing | Amazon Prime

Excruciating faith based holiday drama. 

*** Catch a Christmas Star (2013) First Viewing | DVR

Me: "This next one can't possibly be as bad as "A Christmas Snow" 

John Bradshaw, director of Specimen starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar and The Undertakers Wedding : "Hold my Eggnog" And Catch a Christmas Star was born.

***

Miracles Still Happen (1974) First Viewing | DVD IMDB *** ***

Miracles Still Happen is a story of miraculous faith that takes place at Christmas, but it's definitely not a "Christmas" movie. Susan Penhaligon stars , in this harrowing true story, as a teenage girl who is the sole survivor of an air crash in the Amazon. Her struggle to survive is extraordinary - sadly the film itself doesn't live up to its' subject.

That does it for this group... hopefully the next round will be a bit jollier.

The Naughty: A Christmas Snow beats out Catch a Christmas Star by little red nose.

The Nice: Santa's Christmas Crash by default, though Miracles Still Happen has its' moments, they're just not Christmassy ones.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Mitzi Gaynor / Celebrity Holiday Homes / Family / Guess Who's Coming For Christmas

The Mitzi Gaynor Christmas Show (1967)  Repeat Viewing | GetTV DVR *** ***

The Mitzi Gaynor Christmas Show, actually the 1967 festive episode of the The Kraft Music Hall, is everything good about old school Christmas variety specials. Great music, fun dance numbers, and cute skits. Mitzi is joined by guests Cyril Ritchard, Tony Tanner and Ed McMahon.

I wish I could buy this digitally or get it on disc because it’s one of my favorite holiday specials and the GetTV recording on my DVR is woefully out of sync. Even so it’s a holiday staple in the Kringle household. If it airs again this year definitely check it out.  

*** 

 Celebrity Holiday Homes (2012) First Viewing | Pluto Christmas in July ***

***

 Cheryl Burke, Bebe Winans & Twisted Sister's Dee Snider get their a holiday decor makeover from winner of HGTV's Design Star competition series. Pretty good for the genre but not something I'll ever need to revisit.

***

Family:  'Tis the Season (Season 5 Episode 2)

Repeat Viewing | MeTV DVR

***

***

A near perfect mix of standard domestic drama and Christmas stunting, 'Tis the Season packs a number of parallel story lines, all them organically holiday related. 

(...and yes I had a crush on Kristy McNichol, just like every other guy my age I knew. Heck, I even bought the album she put out with her brother - you should have seen the face of the record store clerk when I brought up John Cale's "Paris 1919", The Jam's "In the City" and Kristy and Jimmy McNichol's eponymous masterpiece. What can I say, the heart wanted what the heart wanted. That said, the heart is fickle and while John and The Jam are still faves it took a google search for me to recall the songs Kristy and frère put to vinyl.

***

Guess Who's Coming For Christmas? (1990)
First Time Viewing | Youtube

Here's a real treat that I only just got a chance to see thanks to a heads up from the reigning Queen of Christmas TV history!

It's CHRISTMAS TV MOVIES in July! Today's video is the 1990 movie GUESS WHO'S COMING TO CHRISTMAS--starring Richard Mulligan and Beau Bridges. A Christmas story that breaks from the formula, yet one about faith, hope, truth, and believing. Watch it here: https://t.co/jZAsswX0Rg pic.twitter.com/WWc8tcnszT

— Joanna Wilson (@TisTheSeasonTV) July 13, 2019

Treading some familiar holiday movie tropes - tradition versus progress, optimistic dreamer, magical stranger, financial struggles - Guess Who's Coming For Christmas elevates them with a touch of sci-fi and an above average cast. Richard Mulligan, Paul Dooley, Barbara Barrie, and Beau Bridges - no offense to today's Hallmark regulars but a cast like this, a cast of actual actors embodying unique characters, is why older TV movies have a place in my heart  and the assembly line romances of today seem so corporate, cynical and disposable.

***


The Naughty: Nothing naughty this time.

The Nice: Mitzi, Mitzi, Mitzi. Plus Family and GWCfC make for fine viewing.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Night Before Christmas (1961) / Franklin's Magic Christmas / Courage the Cowardly Dog / Super Mario World

The Night Before Christmas (1961) First Time Viewing | Youtube ***
***
from Wikipedia

"This eccentric and fantastical fairy tale takes place near the village of Dikanka on the night before Christmas. Amid carol singing, drunken revelry, and amorous hijinks, the blacksmith Vakula persuades the Devil to fly him to Sankt-Petersburg, where he hopes to obtain a pair of the Empress's heels which might win him Oksana's love."

Visually stunning folkloric fantasy  from one of my favorite Russian directors. Aleksandr Rous helmed a series of often brilliant children's films from the late thirties into the seventies. Quite a few years ago I went through a Mosfilm / Soviet fantastic cinema collecting phase where I picked up a number of Rous's classic films but I somehow missed out on this gem. 

Of the three adaptation of Gogol's story this is the one I could absolutely see re-watching during the holiday season. Not because it's particularly Christmassy - it's still the same old story of a witch, a moon stealing devil and a pair of fancy shoes - but because the wintry aesthetic and magical elements would fit right in during the festive season. 

So, still not a "Christmas" film but a great film to watch around Christmas, or anytime of the year.

Franklin's Magic Christmas

Repeat Viewing | Amazon Prime Video

***

***

Watching this Franklin Christmas special for the first time in over a decade I experienced, as i do more and more often these days, a sort of secondary nostalgia. I'm sure there's a word for it  - nostalgia not for my childhood but my beloved offspring's childhoods. Nostalgia for those years before teenage angst and an ever emptier nest. My kids wren't even big Franklin fans but we defiantly watched this together back in the day at least a couple of times. 

As an adult without little ones (we haven't reached grandparent status yet) the most interesting thing about Franklin's Magic Christmas was Eric Peterson (Corner Gas) voicing Franklin's grandfather.

***

Courage the Cowardly Dog : The Snowman Cometh

First time viewing | Boomerang

***

No sense of early parenthood nostalgia here, my kids never really cared for Courage the Cowardly Dog. Also, we've ventured into the conflation of Christmas and winter. I do this a lot. To make it worse The Snowman Cometh isn't even a winter episode, it's a arctic episode. But hey, Snowman! Evil Sean Connery snowman bent on avenging climate change by melting humans! Merry Christmas! 

Solid episode if your a fan of the show and there is a little bit of Christmas adjacent content so I don't feel guilty including it here.

Super Mario World - The Night Before Cave Christmas

First time viewing | Starz

***

***

Back to my kid's favorites from back in the day. I'm sure they watched this loads of times (they devoured anything Nintendo related) but I think this is my first time. I wonder if they'll look back at shows like this with the same fondness as my generation does  Charlie Brown, Rudolph and The Grinch. I hope I brought them up better than that....I hope. 

Anyway, this isn't great, or even good, at least from an adult perspective but I didn't actively hate it.

End of Night Roundup:

The Naughty: Super Mario World.

The Nice: The not very Christmassy, but still wonderful, Night Before Christmas.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Doctor Who Yule Log / Santa's Christmas Snooze / Night Before Christmas 1913 / A Dogwalker's Christmas Tale

Festive Thirteenth Doctor Yule Log (2018) First time Viewing | BBC America Youtube Youtube

While searching for an online copy of the 2017 Doctor Who Yule Log I came across last years' edition. Same basic idea, though the quality has been raised a notch.

Santa's Christmas Snooze (Santa and the Magician) (1995) First Time Viewing | Streaming Vidmark "He's not dead... he's sleeping like a baby!"

Dubbed version of a French cartoon featuring a village of woodland creatures, a grumpy, egomaniac bear magician, his bat companion and, of course, Santa Claus. When the bat informs the bear that Santa is most popular person in the village the bear resorts first to black magic and then to poisoning in order to sideline Santa.
Nothing special and scenes of a comatose Santa may not go over too well with younger viewers.

The Night Before Christmas (1913) First Time Viewing | YouTube Youtube

Based on the same Gogol story as the animation I reviewed the other day and even less Christmassy. Still worth watching as an very early example of fantasy film making. 
If you check out the version linked to and embedded above be warned that it features an atrocious soundtrack that only detracts from the film. Mute abd replace with just about anything else.

A Dogwalker's Christmas Tale First Time Viewing | Netflix IMDB
"I am not the target audience, I am not the target audience..."

I have a feeling this is going to be my new mantra as I embark on this perilous journey through the lands of made for TV Christmas movies.
A Dogwalker's Christmas Tale drops loads of the sort of tired cliche's that fans seem to embrace and the script isn't nearly sharp enough to make up for the laziness. And, while it was competently filmed and the acting wasn't a disgrace, I just couldn't make it all the way through.

End of night results

The Naughty: I though it was going to be sleeping beauty Santa but the banal dog walkers beat out the creepy cartoon by a wide margin.
The Nice: I can't really recommend anything I watched today as above average holiday fare.

 

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Pete's Christmas / Rifftrax / The Neighbors / I Love Lucy

Back in the 2015 holiday season I marathoned 41 Hallmark and Hallmark style Christmas flicks, it was hell. Checking my Letterboxd log it turns out that I only awarded 6 of them three stars or better and 3.5 was the highest rating. These 41 were a fraction of the films available and since then at least a couple hundred more have been produced. Judging from the handful of more recent ones I’ve caught the quality hasn’t improved while their popularity has soared.It’s been an odd feeling to watch Christmas “fandom” embrace these films while I remain bewildered. If all my Christmas loving peeps dig these flicks they can’t be all that bad right?

Anyway, I’ve decided to give the genre a second chance this year. Starting now…

Pete’s Christmas (2013)

First Viewing | Streaming Filmrise

IMDB | JustWatch 

Looks like I picked, admittedly randomly, a decent place to start. Pete’s Christmas features my second favorite Christmas movie trope - Groundhog Day. The script is the weak link here but it’s still OK , Bruce Dern is the “He’s in This!?” supporting actor surprise and it’s got Bailee Madison, who is apparently a popular Hallmark frequent flyer. The first half drags while everything's being set up for the Groundhog Day stunt, while the second half doesn't exactly take off but is greatly improved by the introduction of Madison's character.

No masterpiece but compared to yesterday’s Christmas with the Andersons it’s, if not Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons. 

FYI : Director Nisha Ganatra recently graduated to the Hollywood big leagues with the Mindy Kaling / Emma Thompson comedy Late Night.

Rifftrax: A Visit to Santa (2007)

Repeat Viewing | Rifftrax App

Rifftrax

As I've said I'm luke warm when it comes to the cookie cutter Christmas movies that Hallmark pushes out like Rotisserie Chickens at Costco but at least I understand why they make them. There's no logical explanation for some of the bizarre, surreal and off putting Christmas shorts that were foist upon innocent children back in the day.

Here we have one such disturbing artifact of Christmas past made palatable by Riffmeisters Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. Apparently a promotional film for some "Santa Land" or other, I can't imagine many kids begging their folks to bring them to visit this dystopian wonderland.

As usual Mike and the Boys take something miserable and make it wonderful.

The Neighbors - Merry Crap-Mas (Season 1 Episode 9)

Repeat Viewing | Streaming ABC

ABC

Airing for a paltry two seasons starting in 2015, The Neighbors remains one of the funniest sitcoms of the last decade. A family moves from the city to the suburbs only to find themselves smack dab in the middle of an alien colony.It's funnier than it sounds.

Merry Crapmas is the first season's Christmas episode and it's great. If your unfamiliar with the series you might want to check it out from the beginning - Merry Crapmas and both seasons of the show are available to watch through ABC's online and streaming apps.

I Love Lucy Christmas Special (2016)Repeat Viewing | CBS DVR

The success of CBS's colorization of these classic episodes of I Love Lucy was a pleasant surprise. I recall being a tad disappointed the first time I watched the Christmas episode as it merely uses a bare bones trimming-the-tree story line as a frame for a handful of flashbacks to the "Lucy Has a Baby" story arc ( the first TV series example of a "clip show', one of many Desilu innovations that shaped the way the world watches TV). Since then I've come to love Lucy's Christmas and this Christmas in July viewing marked the first time all month I actually got a little bit verklempt with holiday spirit.

End of night roundup:

The Naughty: Pete's Christmas but only because of stiff competition.

The Nice: Everything else.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews (Christmas Crazy/Crazier, Christmas with the Andersons, Tardis Yule Log)

Christmas Crazy (2011)

Repeat Viewing | Stream - Pluto Christmas in July Channel

IMDB

Fun travel documentary visiting a load of neat Christmas attractions across the USA (as of 2010). Nice background viewing for the holiday season.

Christmas Crazier (2012)

Repeat Viewing | Stream - Pluto Christmas in July Channel

IMDB

More of the same as above. Circa 2011 this time.

Christmas with the Andersons

First Viewing | Streaming Hulu

Confession time: I have a low tolerance for the modern made for TV / straight to streaming Christmas movie. If you’d told me twenty years ago that that each holiday season would bring scores of brand new original Christmas movies I would have considered it a wish come true, but todays’ Lifetime/Hallmark/Up style holiday films have turned out more like a tinsel entombed version of The Monkey’s Paw.

I don’t really consider most of these offerings to be actual stand alone films any more, I see them as individual instalments in an anthology series that airs all night, every night from Halloween until New Years. Love America Style meets Black Mirror, filmed in Canada, or whichever state is offering the biggest tax break, with whatever change the producers could scounge from their couch cushions the week before filming, with a director who alternates between low budget Christmas flicks, lower budget slasher horrors and no budget softcore skinamax fare..(Gross generalizations all, I admit, but not thaaaat far from the truth). I’ve watched dozens of them and I’m simply burned out.

So, even keeping in mind my low expectations and cynical nature I found Christmas with the Andersons to be a disappointing waste of time.

BBC America’s Doctor Who Tardis Yule Log (2017)

First time viewing | BBC America - DVR

I’m a huge TV Yule Log aficionado but since so many air at, or very near to, Christmas I don’t often have time to sit and bask in their festive ambiance. This BBC America offering has been sat on my DVR undisturbed since 2017 and I figured it would be a nice palate cleanser after the bitter pill of Christmas with the Andersons, and it was. Simple and frankly on the low end of such things it was still pleasant enough and was a pleasant Christmas in July surprise for the DR Who fans in the house.

End of night results…

The Naughty; Definitely Christmas with the Andersons
The Nice: The Christmas Crazy docs… especially the first.

Christmas in July - Quick Reviews (Littlest Angel / Shelby / Medic / Night Before Christmas)

I’ve decided to start logging my holiday viewing, with very brief reviews, both as a way to keep track for myself, and as a source of content for the blog...

Much as I tend to wait until after Halloween to begin easing into Christmas viewing I like to wait until after July 4th to being Christmas in July. The whole Christmas in July thing has never really grabbed me - partially because I’m not usually a fan of re-watching things and at Christmas it’s pretty much unavoidable. Watching my holiday favorites in July only lessens my enjoyment of them in December. So, I’ll be launching this new feature by watching holiday shows I wouldn’t normally view during the actual festive season.  Expect these July entries to be somewhat more obscure than what I’ll end up covering later in the year.

The Littlest Angel (2011)

First time viewing | Streaming - Vidmark

JustWatch | IMDB

Unnecessary, but surprisingly not entirely awful, CGI animated version of the classic Christmas children’s book. Little kids might enjoy it but I’ll be sticking to the 1969 Hallmark Hall of Fame version starring Johnny Whitaker, Fred Gwynne and Cab Calloway.

The Nice: Ron Perlman provides the voice of God

The Naughty: Overlong, budget CGI

Shelby: The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2014)
First time viewing | Streaming - Roku Channel
Just Watch | IMDB

Obviously aimed at kids. I’m not a kid.

Rob Schneider, Tom Arnold and Chevy Chase all have mortgages / taxes / alimony to pay so I’m not going to hold this against them. I’m also not going to finish watching it.

The Nice: It’s in focus. Reminds you of its’ stars earlier, funnier work.

The Naughty: Generic and boring and unfunny.

Medic: Red Christmas (1954)
Repeat Viewing  DVD

Dour fifties medical drama. Minimal Christmas content. I’d forgotten how depressing this slice of vintage TV was from my first viewing years ago.

The Nice: A perfectly competent fifties TV show.Anti drunk driving message is admirable.

The Naughty: Christmas angle revolves around a drunk driver’s post holiday party car accident and its’ tragic fallout. Merry Christmas!

The Night Before Christmas
Repeat Viewing  DVD
IMDB

Animated retelling of Nikolai Gogol’s story, so no visions of sugar plums or right jolly old elves.Though taking place on Christmas Eve there’s little here, beyond the winter setting and a couple of brief scenes, that feels Christmassy.  As an animated film it has much to recommend it, as Christmas viewing  not so much (in my opinion at least).I’ll likely revisit this in the dark days of the post-Christmas winter.

The Nice: A landmark of Soviet animation adapted from a classic story.

The Naughty: The devil comes down the chimney, not Santa.