This year I’ll be doing my best to social distance myself from Hallmark style Christmas movies. Honestly, I’ve got some sort of PTSD from the darn things and their popularity continues to amaze, and slightly dismay, me. That said, sometimes the holiday spirit overcomes my cynicism so I might dip my toes into that pretty shallow pool at some point but I refuse to torture myself as I did last year.
So the first few Christmas adjacent things I caught were actually horror movies I was watching for Halloweentide. The 2000 Kim Bassinger vehicle Bless the Child opens at Christmas time with our star listening incredulously as a woman explains some prophecy to her on a festively decorated city bus. It’s all downhill from there and the movies okay at best but certainly not Christmassy. The Night Sitter is set around Christmas and takes place in a nicely decorated home but it’s definitely more of a Halloween vibe.
Finally there was a rewatch of Ouija, not a big fan of the film or the entirely improper use of Christmas lights in the opening scene but figured I’d revisit it before a more welcome rewatch of its prequel.
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I’m going to start my proper viewing/re-viewing/reviewing with the contents of a DVR I’m looking to clean out so I can further cut the cord.
With guests Peggy Lee and Wayne Newton
Fun, live, and lively. The flubs and adlibs area great part of the charm. My favorite bits? A very young Wayne Newton bringing down the house with a belting Jingle Bell Rock and a skit featuring regulars Harvey Korman and Joyce Van Patten plus guest Harold Gould. Definitely recommended.
Perry Como’s Christmas in Austria
Part travelogue part variety show all quite entertaining. Highly Recommended.
The Mitzi Gaynor Christmas Show
I watch this one every year since it popped up on get tv, it’s a great one.
A Nashville Christmas (2017)
A GetTV original I think. Basically a country Christmas cabaret with a bunch of veteran country stars. I like country Christmas tunes but this special did nothing for me.
The Soul and Spirit of Christmas (2018)
Another get tv original and much like the country one but with soul and gospel artists.it wasn’t amazing but I enjoyed it a lot more than the Nashville outing.
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So, the DVR I’ve been saving hours and hours of holiday stuff to watch now, that DVR just died. Of course it did. This is the third time in the last few years where I’ve lost tons of archived recordings to a DVR malfunction. Three different DVRs from two different providers. So it goes.
Angels in the Snow (2015)
From the director of the SnakeEater franchise
I know I vowed, up there near the top of the page, not to watch Hallmark-style Christmas movies but my dear lady wife insisted we watch this and, in fairness, it wasn’t half bad - for this sort of thing. That said I have no desire to ever see it again but at least I didn’t feel like drowning myself in a vat of eggnog.
The Bob Newhart Show - Home is Where the Hurt is (Hulu)
The Bob Newhart Show has always been one of my all-time favorite series so I’m always up for one of its holiday-themed episodes. This isn’t the best of the lot but it’s pretty solid.
Buttons (Hulu)
Insufferably trite nonsense. Borderline unwatchable. Van Dyke, Redford, Winslett, Lansbury even Seymour, McGrath, and Gruffudd, all criminally wasted (and uninspired). I can only wonder if these were huge favors called in, some sort of blackmail plot or was it a tax dodge or money laundering scheme.
A huge disappointment. I’m so relieved i didn’t waste money buying or renting this when it first came out because with the talent involved I was tempted.
Last Chance For Christmas (2015)
Dangled the promise of basic watchability before devolving into typical soap opera mediocrity. Not terrible but I wouldn’t have finished it if the wife weren’t watching.
Speaking of my wife. I love my wife, I always have, it was literally love at first sight forty years ago and after thirty-two years of marriage, I worship the ground she daintily treads on. But her love for cheesy Christmas movies is going to kill me.
The Lights Before Christmas (Britbox)
A terrific concept - roaming about London and taking in the myriad festive delights of that great city, but this first installment seems more like a high quality home movie or low-end tourist board video. I have this one a second chance this year but just didn’t find it enjoyable. The second installment released a year later is, if I’m remembering properly, much more enjoyable.
An Oddsville Christmas (2016)
Based on a popular Finnish children’s book series this reasonably amusing tale of two oddballs experiencing, and often grossly misunderstanding, Christmas for the first time on a visit to Helsinki. I wish I could have seen it in its original Finnish with subtitles, because the dub, like nearly all dubs, is not great and the translation, I’m guessing, isn’t the deftest. I bet Finnish kids loved this, American kids might too.
I know I like to point out, ironically, the immensely un-christmassy films that lurk n the filmographies of most Christmas movie directors. But it’s not necessarily an insult, I love genre films and it makes sense that low-budget Christmas flicks would be directed by filmmakers with a track record for being cheap, fast, and efficient. Plus one of my favorite Christmas films was directed by the man who helmed the original Black Christmas and Porkys.
