Home Sweet Home Alone (2021) Disney+
I don’t have any kind of nostalgic emotional investment in the original Home Alone series, so I went into it with an open mind. After watching Home Sweet Home Alone I learned (or had my belief re-enforced) some very important lessons:
- There are far worse things out there than Hallmark Christmas movies.
- Disney is creatively bankrupt. (And judging from the "Holiday Classics Were Meant to be Broken" tagline - arrogant as well.)
- Many modern screenwriters cannot write compelling stories. While technology and training have seen nearly every aspect of filmmaking hit all-time highs of quality, screenwriting has regressed noticeably (and the newer generations of actors aren't exactly killing it either).
There’s not a single likable or truly sympathetic character in the entire film. The dialogue is often cringeworthy, the plot choices inconceivable, the whole thing is a misbegotten mess. Plus, it rips off more than just the previous Home Alone films. Creatively bankrupt.
I did like one thing they did, the excuse for why, in the age of cell phones and instant worldwide communication, the kid manages to stay unattended for so long. The conceit wasn’t brilliant but it was the cleverest thing in the film.
Hallmark movies, and their ilk, are often crummy because they’re made fast and cheap and to a formula. I can’t help but think your average Hallmark production team could have made a better film with the budget and resources frittered away on this junk.
Rating: As a film One and a Half Baby James Cordons. As a Christmas movie One and Three Quarters exploited intellectual properties.
Love Hard (2021) Netflix
I didn’t have high hopes for this one going in. When Netflix first entered the Christmas Movies sweepstakes I thought, maybe, with more money would come better movies. Hasn’t always worked out that way, especially with the rom-coms. So, low expectations going in.
Expectations subverted, partially.. It was a pretty well-made film. If only the characters, including the lead weren’t such crappy humans. It’s basically an old-school mistaken identity / fake identity holiday comedy with the smarm turned way up. I wanted to like it a lot more than I did. Once again, the script lets it down.
Lovehard is the best new holiday film I’ve seen so far this year. I pray it’ll be in the lower depths of the chart a month for no, otherwise it’s going to be an exceptionally long Christmas season.
Rating: As a film Two and a Half Catfish, as a Christmas film Two unlikable leads.
Now a Hallmark Channel speedround...
Debbie Macomber’s A Mrs. Miracle Christmas (2021)
A reboot of sorts, based on the best-selling book series. The source material is fairly good, for what it is, and while the film touches n some deeper topics it treats them with the same Prozac fueled superficiality as virtually all their films.
Rating: As a normal movie One and a Half Gingerbread Cookies , as a Christmas movie Two and a Quarter,,, Whatevers.
A Christmas Treasure (2021)
Lots of little stories treated in the dullest most superficial way possible, creating an unsatisfying whole.
Rating: As a film One Time Capsule, as a Christmas film Two Gingerbread Houses.
Next Stop, Christmas (2021)
A better than usual cast, a cute time travel story, I mean this is, sadly, just about as good as it gets.I’ll take it.
Rating: As a regular old movie Two DeLorean's, As a Christmas movie Thee and One Eights Christmas Trains.
Now on to Amazon Prime…
Christmas Princess (2017)
How is it that, what is essentially a recruitment film for the Tournament of Roses Parade, can pack more emotional punch and far greater character development than a season’s worth of HallmarkLifetime’s usual Styrofoam dramas.
That said, this is still a super low-budget soap opera about a teen from a broken home who aspires to the Royal Court of the Rose Parade, so it’s not really my thing. Yet, it held my attention the whole time, something no other tv film has done so far this year. The low budget and less known actors give it, not a documentary feel, but a certain veneer of realism.
So, not a masterpiece, and the Christmassy bit doesn’t really hit until towards the end, but a surprisingly compelling and true story.
Rating: As a film Two and Half Parade Floats, as a Christmas film, even though it wasn’t super christmassy, Three Roses.
The Christmas Dance (2021)
Not great but better than most of the other romantic dramedies I’ve seen so far. How is it the lowest budget films I’ve watched so far have the best acting, not great acting mind you, but most natural. Richard Karn (Home Improvement) is the obligatory former sitcom star / supporting actor, though this being a faith based film, that’s a bit of a surprise.
Rating: As a plain old movie One and Seven Eighths Christmas Sweaters, as a Christmas film Two and Three eighths Christmas pageant angels.
