This time out I've got capsule reviews of six movies and three TV shows and, as usual, I'm a little bit sour...
One December Night (2021)
It’s an upside-down world these days. Hallmark manages to somehow snare a pair of bonafide top-notch actors with personality to burn for one of their Christmas romances and, instead of making a holiday buddy comedy about two old rock stars forced to come together for one last concert, they merely shoehorn them into a generic soap opera. Bruce Campbell and Peter Gallagher still elevate every scene they’re in, but they deserve so much better, and are the only reason to muddle through. The rest of the cast is okay but if Bruce and Peter can barely make the script work what hope do the day players have.
What a waste.
We need better screenwriters.
A Christmas Story 2 (2012)
Obviously unnecessary sequel thrusts little Ralphie into his teen years and the twin obsessions of cars and girls. While this might have worked with the original (and that’s a shaky might) it absolutely doesn’t here. In fact, in might have been interesting to see how the man who directed Porky’s would have handled more (im)mature topics in the A Christmas Story universe. Then A Christmas Story 3 could have been a horror film to draw on his previous Black Christmas experience. (Good lord, I hope I haven’t given any studio exec the bright idea to do that. Mea culpa.)
Acting is atrocious, script has some moments that might have worked in a better film, the production values were very Canadian, overall the whole thing is a masterclass in mediocrity.
On the bright side, it’s not the worst A Christmas Story related production I’ve ever seen.
2nd Chance for Christmas (2019)
From the Director of Two Headed Shark Attack and Megashark vs, Crocosuarus comes 2nd Chance for Christmas, my first A Christmas Carol adaptation of the season. Can a man direct campy Syfi channel trash and produce a decent holiday flick? I mean, Bob Clark made Black Christmas and A Christmas Story, and while Two Headed Shark Attack is no Black Christmas the precedent is there.
Obviously this is no A Christmas Story, it’s much closer to A Christmas Story 2, but at least this one didn’t make me sad and angry, just bored. Supporting players like A Christmas Story’s Zack Ward, Mark McGrath, and Jim O’Heir, can’t do much with the material their given and the featured players are umm, less than compelling. The script has a few good lines but only about one every twenty minutes.
Holiday Road Trip [2013]
Okay, so the Director of Two Headed Shark Attack couldn’t nail a Christmas flick but surely the helmer of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers will be able to summon the holiday magic, right. Right?
Well, for what it’s worth, Holiday Road Trip is the best movie I’ve seen so far today. It’s not great, not even good, but it’s better than the first three.
The Homecoming A Christmas Story (1971)
Spun this one up as a refresher before watching the CW remake.
An absolute masterpiece compared to today’s made for tv holiday fare. A terrific cast, many of whom went on to the eventual Walton's series, a solid script and excellent direction by Fielder Cook, who would go on to direct the 1973 TV remake of Miracle on 34th Street.
Blizzard (2003)
Dull. My attention wandered constantly. Even my wife snuck out of the room midway through and she likes Hallmark stuff. This was better than most Hallmark but really meh.
The Dick Van Dyke Show : The Alan Brady Show Presents (1963)
So when one of the best sitcoms of all time wants to do a holiday episode they decide to turn it into a variety show. Lots of folks love this episode but my relationship with it has remained entirely platonic. It's quite good but I don't consider it an all time great. A song and dance number with DVD and MTM is the highlight.
Last Man Standing - Putting a Hit on Christmas (2012)
Funny holiday episode from the serie's peak period. Not sentimental but fairly Christmassy just the same.
Noel the Happy Christmas Ornament (1992)
You learn something knew everyday. Today I learned that glass blown Christmas ornaments are sentient, omniscient and obnoxious, unless they're magically born of a glass blowers tear. So there's that.Premiered back in 1992, but I don't remember ever watching it with my kids. It's not bad, but once is more than enough and I don't think my kids missed much.
Fun tip: If you watch Noel try this drinking game - every time the narrator says the words "a thing called" or "the thing called" take a glug of eggnog. By the end of the show you'll be off eggnog for the rest of the season. Your welcome.
