You’re going to read these reviews. You’re going to wonder what Hallmark original Christmas movie hurt me when I was a child. I want to like Christmas movies, I want to love them but, so far, stinker after stinker. Just because I’m having trouble finding flicks I like I don’t begrudge the success of these films. I’m pleased they have such a loyal audience, I just wish I could find a few that I can get excited about.
***
So, my teenage son and I came up with a way to amuse ourselves during my Christmas in July marathoning. Take a Hallmark (or Lifetime or whatever ...) holiday flick and turn it into a different genre. Coming Home for Christmas became a terrifying home invasion thriller as a psychotic family will do anything to celebrate the festive season in their old family home...anything. Our version was a heck of a lot more interesting than this dull as dishwater effort that seemed to have been cast with androids. I’ve never felt the uncanny valley effect with humans before. Didn’t give a fig for a single character or their contrived conflicts.
Also, my son has a new annoying catch phrase “You can learn a lot on Urban Dictionary these days”.
***
Were these cliches burned out back in 2004? I mean, they were definitely well trodden tropes but would it have been so grating if I hadn’t watched dozens more just like it in the interim. Bad romance, bad boyfriend, bad capitalism, frustrated career woman who has everything except happiness. Add a dash of magical Christmas time travel and the chance to right past mistakes and I’m already asleep.
Nice to see Cheryl Ladd though. (And yes, I owned her album too and it was waaay better than Kristy McNichol’s)
Santacentric documentary narrated by Sir Richard Attenborough (Kris Kringle in 1994’s Miracle on 34th Street remake). A decent overview of the Santa traditions of many nations but probably not suitable for youngsters still immersed in the magic of our favorite jolly gift giver.
Oh, the different years are according to IMDb and Amazon. From past experience I’d favor IMDb and 2008.
From the director of Sexting in Suburbia comes this surprisingly faithful adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. The scripts authenticity rings truest during the Thanksgiving dinner scene where one sister admits to being slightly put out “that my sisters a slut who posted naked pictures”. Classic literature treated with the respect it deserves to be sure.
Plus Christmas!
The Legends of Santa wins the night, but after watching the other three I think I’m the loser.
