I feel slightly guilty that I'm not including my recent viewing of the Lindsey Lohan rom-com Falling For Christmas here. Not because it was a Netflix Original, Netflix is more than capable of turning out junky Christmas flicks, but because it was a pretty good movie. And, I mean :movie" as opposed to Hallmarkesque inspired holiday product consume repeat consume repeat. So, if you want to accuse me of putting my thumb on the scale by omitting a much better than average film from my ordeal - fair enough.
My Grown Up Christmas List
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Inoffensive but dull trifle that a few years ago would have been considered a weak effort but nowadays it’s solidly middle of the road. It tries to do something a bit more interesting with time jumps but I've already forgotten most of what happens in the film.
A Maple Valley Christmas
Epic drama set in the rough and tumble world of a family Montana Maple Syrup Barons, it's basically Yellowstone with pancakes. Well, not really, I wish it was though. Instead we get a pedestrian real estate McGuffin driven romcomdram.
Though Hallmark are the ne plus ultra of these types of festive fodder they're clearly not the only ones peddling quickie Christmas pix this time of year so, let's move on with a couple of offerings from Lifetime - Television for Women...
Well Suited for Christmas
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My first Lifetime flick of the season combines my favorite time of year with the world of high fashion, something I literally care nothing about. Despite my antipathy towards the films McGuffin, a bachelor tuxedo design contest, the film wasn’t terrible. It was certainly a step up from My Grown Up Christmas List, if only a small step, though it felt as if the Christmas aspect was merely an afterthought.
Merry Swissmas
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Another Lifetime movie, this one starring Jodie Sweetin as an architect whose Mom owns a Swiss inn , in the Swiss quarter of British Columbia apparently, and nothing interesting or charming happens. It’s too bad because it had a promising premise. This one was a definite step down even from MGUCL. In last place so far.
Back to Hallmark
All Saints Christmas
Not a holiday musical starring 90's girl group All Saints (which is probably a good thing ?), but it is set in some fictional music industry where huge stars can browse Christmas markets on their own and their albums go "double gold".
Pretty good New Orleans set rom-com, definitely above average thanks to a snappy script and some solid performances from the leads. I sort of enjoyed it.
Christmas on Mistletoe Lake
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While All Saints Christmas buffeted my sails a bit but Christmas on Mistletoe Lake was like hitting a dead calm.
Meh but not terrible holiday filler. I've already forgotten it, which is becoming a bit of a theme here. FWIW, I can still recall loads of scenes, snippets of dialogue and major plot points and superior performances from a bunch of Christmas movies from the last few years that I've only seen once and yet the vast majority of these films slide of my brain like it's been coated in Teflon .
In Merry Measure
In which a group of seemingly sentient mannequins act out a dull and predictable story about a a high school singing competition. The “actors” are surprisingly lifelike, with little of the uncanny valley effect you usually see with this technology, though the supporting characters are still stock royalty free NPCs . Sadly the AI scriptwriting app has produced a weaker than usual story and In Merry Measure doesn’t measure up to much at all in the end.
Before we get to the current standings I want to stress that, while I have a general disdain for these films, it's absolutely not the actors or the crews that I dislike, it's the cynical assembly line corporate product churn that grinds my gears. Just as I think the fans of these films are lovely people who just want to settle into some cozy comfort viewing, I'm sure the bulk of the people on the screen and behind the scenes are doing the best they can with what they've been given and what little seems to be expected of them.
I don't hate the players, only the way the game is being played.
So, this time most of the films fell into the "Meh" category with only one Watchable, meaning if I had to rewatch it I could, if I had to. The good news is only one fell to the newly renamed Unrewatchable ranking. I've switched to a softer definition of "I would walk out of the room, and maybe the building, if the alternative was having to watch t again".
I've also added a new ranking, the Worth Rewatching. So far only Netflix's Falling For Christmas would have qualified, but since I reviewed it in my Yule Blogged series instead I'm not sure I should include it.
The Watchables
- All Saints Christmas
- Ghost of Christmas Always
- A Kismet Christmas
The Mehs
- Christmas on Mistletoe Lake
- Jolly Good Christmas
- Merry Swissmas
- My Grown Up Christmas List
- Well suited for Christmas
The Unrewatchables
- Catering Christmas
- Christmas Bedtime Stories
- Destined at Christmas
- In Merry Measure
- Noel Next Door
- We Wish You a Married Christmas
