Yule Logged: Rifftrax Christmas Circus, Kacey Musgraves, Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish, Christmas in the Smokies, Red Skelton’s Christmas Classics

Music:

Nevermind the heretics who claim Mariah Carey is the Queen of Christmas,  a far more deserving candidate for the position is Yorkshire treasure Kate Rusby. Her newest Christmas release, Holly Head , has just dropped and it’s a low key but worthy entry in her yule cannon.

Movies and TV:

Rifftrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown

More holiday madness from Rifftrax. Madness I say!

The festivities begin with one of the best Christmas shorts the lads have done yet, The Christmas Tree, a truly bizarre treat that combines mimes with Christmas trees to create something more disturbing than festive furries. Classic.

The main course here is a vintage tv kid’s clown host who, through some Luciferian machinations, got a near feature-length version of his DTs inspired “children’s show” made and distributed, no doubt terrifying and confusing handfuls of kids trapped in holiday matinees while their parents shopped.

The Kacey Musgraves Christmas Show (2019)

Love Kacey Musgraves, big fan for years, so this should be great. (Of course, I said that about the Bill Murray Christmas thing too so…)

James Corden… no one told me there would be James Corden. I still haven’t forgiven him for Into the Woods (and his unctuous chat show). The only place I  want to see James Bloody Corden is in the Gavin and Stacy Christmas special. And this opening “comedy” number only reinforces that. (Sadly this will also turn out to be as funny as it gets, at least intentionally.)

Opening credits show me that Kacey’s only hanging out with the cool kids this Christmas. Well at least they threw some money at it but while they’re going for a riff on cheesy holiday specials of yore it’s generally too smug and hip to really sell it. Hipsters have no heart and have to import soul.

The main thing is the music and that’s mostly solid. Though every duet magnifies the feeling that, compared to her partner, Musgraves looks as if she’s auditioning for her own audio-animatronic figure.

Also, how can an expensive high tech production feel so stilted and claustrophobic?

It looks pretty on 4K UHD but I’ll stick to her Christmas album and leave the unfunnyness to the cool kids.

Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish (1998)

From the director of Assimilate comes a fairly unbearable TV movie that just stole 45 minutes of my life.

It’s greatest crime is the way it wastes Eugene Levy.

Christmas in the Smokies (2015)

A review on Letterboxd actually complained about the movie’s “Jesus indoctrination”. Yeah Jesus in a CHRISTmas movie, what the heck?
If this is audience then no wonder the genre is a low-quality joke. Christmas should be more about the sex lives of entitled future wine moms than this Jesus stuff I guess.

That aside, this is a step above the usual Hallmark quality but only the faith-based aspects elevate it beyond that. You got your noble struggling farm, your cold, and indifferent bank and evil rich developer. Plus country music.

The premise of a country singers' Dance program being number one in the national ratings is unnecessarily ludicrous.

Not terrible but not worth returning to.

Red Skelton’s Christmas Classics

A little Red goes a long way for me but I have to admit that, between the mugging and over the top sentimentality, there’s some clever writing and bits of subversive comedy you might not expect.

Yule Logged: Spunky the Snowman (Rifftrax), A Gift Wrapped Christmas, Saving Christmas, Home for the Holidays, Alone in the Woods

Spunky the Snowman (Rifftrax)

Frosty isn’t the only magical snowman in town, here comes Spunky!

Not the best holiday short the Rifftrax boys have done but it’s still got a few great riffs.

A Gift Wrapped Christmas (2015)

A perky personal shopper meets a workaholic single dad and mediocrity ensues. Not awful but not good.

Is it Hallmark? Lifetime

Does it feel like Christmas? Not to me.

Did I finish it? No.

Saving Christmas (2014)

I’ve been lied to! This is not a terrible movie. Letterboxd told me it was one of the worst movies ever made. Of course, most of the people saying that probably haven’t seen the thing but hey, review bombing is what all the cool film school wannabes are doing right?

It’s not terrible and, most importantly, it’s not a movie. It’s Christian edutainment. It’s an hour of reconciling secular Christmas with Liberty University (who produced it) flavor Christianity. If you didn’t do your due diligence, like reading the description, and jumped in thinking it was some sort of cheesy holiday comedy, a low rent Jingle All the Way, then sure you’d be disappointed, but that’s on you.

That said, it’s not great either, it is what it is. A Christian version of those “History of / Truth About”  Christmas documentaries that pop up each season on History and Discovery and so forth (the same folks who bring us Ancient Aliens, dozens of Bigfoot shows and Real Mermaids), and I’m no more offended or annoyed at the bits I disagree with in those than I am with the bits I disagree with here. The acting ranges from Hallmark to Direct to Tubi and there is a truly cringe-worthy dance scene that pads out the running time at the end.

If you’re not evangelical (or at least Liberty adjacent) this probably isn’t the flick for you. Even if you are you might not care for it. But, I have seen a dozen far worse things this month alone (I watch a lot of movies). So, if watching Kirk Cameron explain why a few of our secular traditions do, or can, have deeper Christian meaning lights your tree, then check it out.

Home for the Holiday (1995)

I feel blessed that whatever family holiday dysfunctions my extended clan have (and we have some doozies) none of us are as insufferable as the characters in elevated holiday family dramas like this.

 My least favorite Jodie Foster directorial offering. It is, at least, a fairly well-made film with some solid performances. I just didn’t care about anyone, or anything, in it.

It may sound like I’m recommending Saving Christmas over Home For the Holidays but I’m not. Home for the Holidays is exponentially better as a film, it just didn’t do anything for me.

Alone in the Woods (1996)

Like Home for the Holidays, Alone in the Woods is a Thanksgiving movie. Instead of being a Jodie Foster joint it’s from the director of The Poseidon Adventure (2005 version), American Pie: The Book of Love and My Ghost Dog. Sort of a Home Alone meets The Ransom of Red Chief, sort of. Whatever it is, it isn’t very good. Kid’s with a soft spot for slapstick might get a kick out of it. Me, not so much.

Yule Logged: I’ll Be Home For Christmas (2016), A Song For Santa +A Visit to Santa (Rifftrax), The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, Father Knows Best Home For Christmas

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (2016)

Directed by and starring James Brolin this is fairly ordinary holiday family   stuff with a bit of cop drama thrown in. Not bad just not very memorable.

Is it Hallmark? Yes

Does it look like Christmas? Sure

Does it sound like Christmas? Courtesy of Brolin’s old lady.

Does it feel like Christmas? Sure

Did it make me cry?  Nope

Did I finish it? Yep

Is it a good movie? It’s okay

Is it a good Christmas Movie? Ditto

A Song For Santa (Rifftrax)

A young boy from Texas pulls “ a reverse Home Alone” and wanders into a Bavarian Cathedral where an orchestra and choir are rehearsing. Enchanted by their performance he begins to dream of some sort of Santa heaven, as you do, and tries to sell Santa the song Silent Night, as you do.

Not as bizarre or unsettling as some of the holiday shorts the Rifftrax 3 have unearthed but it has its moments.

A Visit to Santa (Rifftrax)

Not starring child actors as much as hostages. Some genuinely interesting stock footage of community Christmas parades precedes a more pedestrian tour of some store’s Christmas village, though the Rocket themed elevator to the model train department is pretty sweet.

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir - The Ghost of Christmas Past S2 E14 (1969)

One of my favorite series growing up, I probably haven’t seen this episode in decades. It’s an okay “Christmas Carol” pastiche giving Charles Nelson Reilly a chance to wildly overact in two roles. There’s also a bit of romance and an abandoned baby in the mix. Overall a sweet but inessential episode unless you’re a big fan of the series.

Christmas Episode or Special? Episode

Am I familiar with the series? Yes.

Is it Christmassy? Sure

Would I Rewatch? Sure.

Father Knows Best Home For Christmas (1977)

Nostalgic holiday reunion TV movie from 1977. So much more relatable than most of today’s TV fare. Virtually every bit of family drama the writers threw in was familiar, things most families have or will experience at some point over the years. The performances were fine, somewhat under-rehearsed but this was clearly a low-budget effort. Still, it was lovely to see the gang back together and the handful of flashback clips weren’t too intrusive.

Christmas Episode or Special? Special

Am I familiar with the series? Yes

Is it Christmassy? Yes

Would I Rewatch? Sure,

Love the Coopers (2015)

So, Wes Anderson and Woody Allen rebooted A Christmas Story as an Arrested Development spinoff, Christmas cringe. I’m sure it has its place in the wide pantheon of Christmas films, it is a well made film and people who hate Christmas need something to watch during holidays so...

Yule Logged: Noelle (2019), The Christmas Pageant, Steptoe and Son, A Christmas Carol (1959) (Rifftrax)

Noelle (2019)

Occasionally charming, if overly familiar. Santa’s daughter finds her true calling and breaks through the North Pole’s glass ceiling. Gets a little bogged down with muddled and cliched messaging / signaling and some tired tropes but, it still puts your average TV movie to shame production quality-wise,There are a few lazy plot decisions, the second act drags, and drags,  and the CG isn’t the best, but the performances are above average, if one note.

I realize this isn’t exactly a rave review but a Disney original -  part of the day one launch of their “Netflix-killer” streaming service -  gets held to a higher standard. If this had been on Hallmark or Lifetime flick I would have been more effusive in my praise. This is in another league compared to those network’s offerings.

Plus, while I’m resigned to pop culture secularizing Christianity out of Christmas it took Noelle to show me that Buddhism is the reason for the season.

Also, while this is no doubt considered a family film, they kill off Santa (off-screen obviously) which might,  despite even the present year replacement by a, eventually, magically perfect pretty girl,  upset some of the younger set. This was also my beef with The Santa Clause.

Is it Hallmark? Nope, Disney+

Guest stars? Shirley MacLaine, Julie Hagerty, Michael Gross.

Does it look like Christmas? During the North Pole sequences.

Does it sound like Christmas? Sure.

Does it feel like Christmas? On and off.

Did it make me cry? Of course not.

Laugh? A few times.

Did I finish it? Yep.

Is it a good movie? It’s okay.

Is it a good Christmas Movie?  I don’t see it becoming an annual tradition but it’s very good for the genre

The Christmas Pageant (2011).

Unemployable Broadway director takes on small town Christmas Pageant.

Above average Hallmark. Reminds me of older, pre-algorithm flicks from the crown. No work of staggering genius but better than most.

Is it Hallmark? Yes

Guest stars? Edward Herrmann, Kate Flannery, Steve Lawrence

Does it look like Christmas? Pretty much

Does it sound like Christmas? Sure

Does it feel like Christmas? Enough

Did it make me cry? It almost got me a couple of times

Did I finish it? Yep

Is it a good movie? It’s okay

Is it a good Christmas Movie?  Pretty good

Steptoe and Son - The Perfect Christmas (1974)

1974 Christmas special from the show that inspired the wildly inferior Sanford and Son. A bitter holiday tour de force with a terrific final punchline.

Christmas Episode or Special? Special

Am I familiar with the series? Quite

Is it Christmassy? Fairly.

Would I Rewatch? It’s a tradition.

A Christmas Carol (1959) (Rifftrax version 2018)

Typically guffaw stuffed riff from the lads, this time of a festive episode of Fredric March Presents Tales from Dickens. Basil Rathbone stars as zombie Andrew Jackson, um I mean Ebeneezer Scrooge in this half hour version of the evergreen tale.

Christmas in July Quick Reviews: Pete's Christmas / Rifftrax / The Neighbors / I Love Lucy

Back in the 2015 holiday season I marathoned 41 Hallmark and Hallmark style Christmas flicks, it was hell. Checking my Letterboxd log it turns out that I only awarded 6 of them three stars or better and 3.5 was the highest rating. These 41 were a fraction of the films available and since then at least a couple hundred more have been produced. Judging from the handful of more recent ones I’ve caught the quality hasn’t improved while their popularity has soared.It’s been an odd feeling to watch Christmas “fandom” embrace these films while I remain bewildered. If all my Christmas loving peeps dig these flicks they can’t be all that bad right?

Anyway, I’ve decided to give the genre a second chance this year. Starting now…

Pete’s Christmas (2013)

First Viewing | Streaming Filmrise

IMDB | JustWatch 

Looks like I picked, admittedly randomly, a decent place to start. Pete’s Christmas features my second favorite Christmas movie trope - Groundhog Day. The script is the weak link here but it’s still OK , Bruce Dern is the “He’s in This!?” supporting actor surprise and it’s got Bailee Madison, who is apparently a popular Hallmark frequent flyer. The first half drags while everything's being set up for the Groundhog Day stunt, while the second half doesn't exactly take off but is greatly improved by the introduction of Madison's character.

No masterpiece but compared to yesterday’s Christmas with the Andersons it’s, if not Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons. 

FYI : Director Nisha Ganatra recently graduated to the Hollywood big leagues with the Mindy Kaling / Emma Thompson comedy Late Night.

Rifftrax: A Visit to Santa (2007)

Repeat Viewing | Rifftrax App

Rifftrax

As I've said I'm luke warm when it comes to the cookie cutter Christmas movies that Hallmark pushes out like Rotisserie Chickens at Costco but at least I understand why they make them. There's no logical explanation for some of the bizarre, surreal and off putting Christmas shorts that were foist upon innocent children back in the day.

Here we have one such disturbing artifact of Christmas past made palatable by Riffmeisters Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. Apparently a promotional film for some "Santa Land" or other, I can't imagine many kids begging their folks to bring them to visit this dystopian wonderland.

As usual Mike and the Boys take something miserable and make it wonderful.

The Neighbors - Merry Crap-Mas (Season 1 Episode 9)

Repeat Viewing | Streaming ABC

ABC

Airing for a paltry two seasons starting in 2015, The Neighbors remains one of the funniest sitcoms of the last decade. A family moves from the city to the suburbs only to find themselves smack dab in the middle of an alien colony.It's funnier than it sounds.

Merry Crapmas is the first season's Christmas episode and it's great. If your unfamiliar with the series you might want to check it out from the beginning - Merry Crapmas and both seasons of the show are available to watch through ABC's online and streaming apps.

I Love Lucy Christmas Special (2016)Repeat Viewing | CBS DVR

The success of CBS's colorization of these classic episodes of I Love Lucy was a pleasant surprise. I recall being a tad disappointed the first time I watched the Christmas episode as it merely uses a bare bones trimming-the-tree story line as a frame for a handful of flashbacks to the "Lucy Has a Baby" story arc ( the first TV series example of a "clip show', one of many Desilu innovations that shaped the way the world watches TV). Since then I've come to love Lucy's Christmas and this Christmas in July viewing marked the first time all month I actually got a little bit verklempt with holiday spirit.

End of night roundup:

The Naughty: Pete's Christmas but only because of stiff competition.

The Nice: Everything else.

Rifftrax at Christmas (Part five - 2017)

Here are this year's holiday offering from the Rifftrax crew. Be sure to visit Rifftrax on the web for all your riffing needs!









Update! (12/15)
The Rifftrax crew has dropped Bridget and Mary Jo's third annual Christmas special!

The Bridget and Mary Jo Christmas special is a full length movie! Beyond Christmas.

The ghosts of three elderly industrialists killed in an airplane crash return to Earth to help reunite a young couple whom they initially brought together on Christmas Eve. It’s sorta like Ghost meets It’s a Wonderful Life... oh, and some Russians.

A sweet Christmas love story with jolly riffing from Bridget and Mary Jo. 

Contributing writer: Molly Hodgdon

Rifftrax at Christmas (Part four - Faith's Take)

The previous three Rifftrax Christmas posts consisted mostly of preview clips from the Rifftrax YouTube account but they only skim the surface of seasonal goodness from Mike & the boys (and girls). Here's a merry playlist from my favorite MST3K / Rifftrax reviewer, Faith's Take, so you can do a gingerbread flavored deep dive into holiday hilarity.

 (Check out all of Rifftrax's holiday offerings, as well as a treasure trove of other great comedy treats, at Rifftrax.com)

Rifftrax at Christmas (Part three)

Rifftrax at Christmas (Part two - Enter the Ice Cream Bunny)

The Rifftrax Holiday Madness continues...

Rifftrax at Christmas (Part one)

From the ashes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, after a brief stint as The Film Crew, came Rifftrax and over the last decade Mike, Kevin & Bill (and Mary Jo, Bridget & guests) many Christmas releases have become as much a holiday tradition as Bear Nog or Stinky the Skunk.