Christmas Coupon (2019)
The worst part of reviewing unquestionably bad films is knowing that, very often, the people behind them are lovely hardworking folks who did everything in their power to make a good movie. I’m friends with some indie filmmakers and, if their experiences are at all typical, it’s more than likely they actually believe they have made a good movie.
Some bad movies are cynical cash grabs with both cast and crew sleepwalking for a paycheck. I’ve seen plenty of those. Christmas Coupon is not one of those. But it is terrible in every way imaginable. It might be one of the no-budget labors of love, but it’s still unwatchable.
Is it Hallmark? I watched it on Tubi.
Does it look like Christmas? Not really.
Does it sound like Christmas? Not really.
Does it feel like Christmas? No.
Did I finish it? No.
Is it a good movie? No.
Is it a good Christmas Movie? No.
I Believe in Santa Claus (Rifftrax Version 2015)
Bizarre holiday musical from France made watchable by Mike, Kevin, and Bill.
A schoolboy’s parents are kidnapped by an African Warlord. Naturally, he hops a flight, with a schoolmate in tow, to Lapland. Magical shenanigans ensue.
Is it Hallmark? Oh no!
From the director of? Garden of Torment, The Couples of Boulogne
Is it Christmastime? Yes.
Does it look like Christmas? Mostly not, despite copious Santa appearances.
Does it sound like Christmas? Not really.
Does it feel like Christmas? Not really.
Did it make me cry? Tears of laughter.
Did I finish it? A few times.
Is it a good movie? On its own no but with the riff, yes, please.
Is it a good Christmas Movie? See above.
Silver Bells (2005)
Above average Christmas drama with a nice cast and an okay script. I never really warmed to any of the characters but at least it was well made.
Is it Hallmark? I think so, they’re airing it.
Guest stars? Margo Martingale! John Benjamin Hickey!
From the director of? Smokey and the Bandit Part Three, Project: Alf, Wet Gold (with Brooke Shields!)
Does it look like Christmas? Sure
Does it sound like Christmas? Sure
Does it feel like Christmas? Sure
Did it make me cry? Nope.
Did I finish it? Yep.
Is it a good movie? Pretty good.
Is it a good Christmas Movie? Sure.
A Nostalgic Christmas (2019)
Nothing we haven’t seen before. As good as any other, better than some. The memory is already fading to be replaced, all too briefly, by the next Christmas clone.
Is it Hallmark? Yes.
Does it look like Christmas? Sure.
Does it sound like Christmas? Enough.
Does it feel like Christmas? Enough.
Did I finish it? Yes, because my wife was watching.
Is it a good movie? Not great.
Is it a good Christmas Movie? It’s...fine.
